The Holidays

The holidays... what a wonderful time of year. I am such a holiday person. I feel the most happiness and joy during Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I have always been this way. I have never understood how people get "sad" around these times of year. However...this year... I am particularly somber. I now understand how the holidays can bring back memories of the past, and how they can remind us of things we wish we had. Although this is true, I also recognize that the holidays can make us realize what is important to us. We can look past the trivial, petty, and even the things and people who seem so highly important to us, and see what really should exist in our lives. We suddenly know that if it should all fall down, there are certain people who we want beside us... until the very end. I will spend this Thanksgiving with my mother, just the two of us. We will have an amazing time just laughing and reading books. I will have an amazing time visiting with my best friend, for this is something I cannot do often. Yes, there are others who are missing this holiday season, and it brings sadness with their absence. However, I will keep them in my heart, and I will know that their holiday will be just as great as mine is. I will cheer up, and have a great rest of the week. Happy Holidays!

Happiness

Today, I am happy. I am fully, completely, utterly happy. Could it be because it's the weekend? Maybe. Could it be because I'm almost off of work? Maybe. What I do know is that it doesn't matter. My life feels pretty solid right now, in this moment, and I have everything to be thankful for. Things nor money nor people can ruin my happiness today. I will not stand for it. I will not let these THINGS bring me down. Like an infectious laugh, I will paint everyone I come across today with happiness, spreading it like a wildfire. Peace and love to everyone today, and chin up to those feeling down.

The Warmth

So don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came and while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old

A Day At The Park

The screeching swing set in the distance creates a perfect rhythm in my mind

as the disgruntled old man walks by ringing his bicycle bell repeatedly, over, and over, and over

The smell of grass warms my soul

until it is interrupted by the scent of burning tobacco floating my way from across the field

The birds surround me, make me feel at home

The tree shades me as it wraps its long arms around me, telling me, "Breathe child, breathe in the splendid autumn air."

My mind is a wildfire, spreading and consuming my every thought as if it would contaminate my whole being

Until something whispers softly in my ear and says, "It's ok, let go. Just let go."

And just as slowly and quaintly as the tiny whisper of truth hit my ears, I let my mind go

My thoughts escape, my trivial head is opened, and the gift of solitude pours down like a sun beam bursting through a haze of gray

I watch the leaves slowly fall, bouncing and dancing in the sunlight, making for the most wondrous of paintings in my view

The cool breeze chills my skin just as quickly as the mid-western sun sends warming clouds of sunlight through the branches to brighten my face

A squint is needed for only a moment, until once again the orange sphere graciously slides behind the clouds

My humblest companion lies beside me, enthralled with the fluttering of the birds and squirrels

In his eyes I see joyous rays 

The hum of the train comes closer and closer until the whistle sounds, breaking my concentration, but only for a moment

Green, yellow, orange, and red colored foliage awakens my senses to the changing of the seasons

And the dismembered bark seems to tell a story

With as few treasures as my book, a blanket, and a loyal furry friend, my day at the park is complete

And alas, I feel free

Self Control

I have been doing a lot of inner thinking lately. I have been pondering whether I am living my life to it's fullest potential. I have been having an extremely hard time trying to determine whether to live my life to make myself happy, or to live my life consciously considering what might make others happy. I do believe that there lies a happy medium between these two extremes, but I find it painfully difficult to uncover. I care very deeply for my friends and family. I try to make everyone feel good about themselves and to be there when I can lend a hand. I want to see the people who I care about flourish and thrive.... but at what point does sacrificing one's own happiness for another's become self destructive? They say that if you are happy with yourself and if you do things that make YOU happy, that your contentment will shine and will contagiously infect others. I think this is what I am going to start doing in order to try to find this happy medium that supposedly exists. I will never intentionally avoid a friend's feelings to make myself happy, but I will move forward trying to be ME and do things that bring joy into MY life. The only problem I seem to come to is that I start feeling selfish. But, WHY? It is impossible to live your life only to please everyone else. I feel that people miss out on some great things about living life when they live to please others. I cannot control what others do, act, feel, or say. All I can do is control the way I react to it, and that alone is totally and undoubtedly under my control. If I am content, happy, joyful, and loving who I am and what I do, I think that others will, also. My true friends, those who TRULY understand me, who know me, who love me, who believe in me, and who trust me will join me in my journey to live life to the fullest and will join me in saying to hell with the bullshit. Life only happens once. ONCE. We get ONE time on this earth to enjoy all that the world has to offer. From now on, I will say forget the bullshit. I will lessen the petty, nonsensical, irrelevant mischief that seems to consume my life from time to time. Only I can make myself happy.... and only I can control what makes or breaks my days.

Climbing

Breathe. Stretch. Be aware of your surroundings. Breathe again. Utilize your strengths. Never look back, keep reaching forward. These steps helped to calm my fears while climbing my first rock. I have never felt so satisfied in my life. Climbing these rocks has given me a spiritual sensation unlike any other I have ever experienced. It should also go without saying that I was accompanied by some of the most supportive, considerate, and passionate friends to lovingly encourage me through this new exploit. I felt at one with nature. I felt accomplished. I felt fearless. I still feel fearless. I feel that I want to do it again... and again... and again. I have been racking my brain to figure out what exactly it is about this outing that has me beaming with fulfillment and joy, but it has been impossible to discover. It warms my soul to know that there are magical events that happen in your life that you just cannot configure or anticipate. This completely unexpected adventure has spoken to me in words that I cannot construe. My soul has been energized, and all I know is that my life is now a little more complete. I am proud of myself. I am a conquerer. Conquer on!

Peace is the feeling that arrives when contentment meets love. Peace does not exist without love. Love fosters the emotions that mold the building blocks of peaceful thinking. 

Without a love for oneself, others, the mountains, the plains, the rivers, the skies, the windy days and the cloudy nights, peace is unreachable. 

There is no love without peace, and no peace without love. They walk hand in hand, skipping, strolling into the infinite fields of happiness.